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Whilst the term ‘twin flames’ is starting to gain some recognition in popular culture, most people are far more familiar with the ‘soulmate’ moniker. In fact, there is often confusion between ‘twin flame’ relationships and ‘soulmate’ relationships. The difference is that a soulmate feels like a perfect match – they complement us, while a twin flame feels like a mirror to our own. So what is a twin flame relationship? How will you recognize it? Is good for you? And, if they are as exciting as they sound, are they the ultimate relationship goal?

Your soulmate is usually for life, they’re your life partner, support and true love. A twin flame is a teacher. They may dip in and out of your life, then disappear forever, but you’ll never lose the connection that was formed. Some people meet their soulmate and never meet a twin flame, or vice versa. Some meet both, and as you can imagine, this can lead to some complicated circumstances. The difficult to digest part about having your twin flame in your life is that they reflect your own personality back to you. You’ll see them as flaws but know those flaws are also your own. Conversely you may see desirable attributes in them and recognise those desirable attributes also in yourself. Although it may sound a little strange, your twin flame relationship is an opportunity for you to grow and to learn deep soul lessons. Often, these lessons do not become apparent until years later, depending on how attuned and ready we are to do the inner work.

So now that we know what a twin flame relationship is and how it differs from a soul mate, how can we define if we are in one? Well, first and foremost if you have to ask yourself, you’re probably not in a twin flame relationship. It’s an obvious sensation, the connection is instant. You know it the moment they walk into a room, even if you have never set eyes on them before. The atmosphere becomes charged, and your senses heightened. You are aware of where they are, and you know they are aware of you in the same way. You know, without a doubt, that this person is ‘different’. And when you do start talking as you inevitably will, it’s as if you’ve known each other for years. Conversation flows easily and is never forced. You don’t need to make an impression; you already have. Sounds ideal, right?

Be warned, as romantic as the notion surrounding twin flames is, twin flame relationships are intense. They are as destructive as they are passionate. A twin flame will have you convinced they’re the ‘One’ yet confused why it is so painful. Twin flame relationships are incredibly pluralistic in the feelings they generate. They’re famously on and off and more likely so during the early stages of the relationship. You’ll find yourself either ecstatic or in tears. There is rarely a time when the relationship plods along without some major drama. And that’s part of its purpose, our twin flame changes our thinking and our entire outlook on life, love and more. Your perspective shifts, nothing and looks or feels the same anymore.

As you can imagine, something as deeply intense as a twin flame relationship is not going to be smooth sailing, as romantic as they sound. There are usually multiple obstacles to surmount in a twin flame relationship. It’s a relationship of extremes. When you’re together and happy, all is right in the world. When you’re together and you’re unhappy, you don’t recognise yourself and your dark thoughts anymore. Yet when you are without them, you feel you can’t get any peace until you are reunited again. Your twin flame will cause you to transform your life like no other person on earth can. From changing job, moving country, leaving a partner- you will do anything it takes to facilitate your twin flame relationship to continue. As you move through cycles, you’ll find yourself continually running back to them after each blow up. In a twin flame relationship, one partner is usually the runner and the other the chaser. Needless to say, a twin flame relationship is highly passionate and explosive both physically and psychologically.

So, if twin flames are so important to our personal and spiritual development, why don’t they stay together for life like soulmates? In fact, with a lot of inner work on the part of both partners, they can and sometimes do stay together. Twin flame relationships definitely require work and the longer the relationships progress through the various stages of intensity, the more work is required to navigate them successfully. Twin flame relationships that are successfully able to manage their emotions, grow and mature in their bond can reap the rewards of a lifelong love. That’s not to say that the goal of every twin flame relationship is to make it through to the other side to a blissful and steady union. Sometimes the purpose of a twin flame relationship is to teach us, help us grow and mature in deeply meaningful ways, and then just as quickly merge out of our lives.

You’ll know when a twin flame relationship has run its course and it’s time for you to gracefully bow out. Or at least as gracefully as possible when a liaison as passionate as a twin flame relationships ends. When that feeling of connection that violently threw you together starts to fade out, a coldness grows between you, the running and chasing stops as one partner stops pursuing the other – are all warning signs your twin flame relationship is on the out. You may start to have a strong sense that the relationship has run its course but need courage to recognise that. Of course, as with any relationship, if it turns physically or verbally abusive, that’s a clear indication you need to call time on your relationships, twin flame or not.

Saying farewell to a twin flame can seem intimidating but seek comfort in the fact that you will never actually lose your twin flame. They are bound to us cosmically as the universe’s way of teaching us an important lesson in spiritual growth. Even if they pass away in this lifetime, their connection to us is still there. Whether you stay in touch for the remainder of your lifetimes or never communicate again, the love and connection to your twin flame remains. Encouragingly, you’ll be able to love others, including a soulmate, in a deeper way. The lessons you learned from your twin flame relationship will remain invaluable in your journey of growth and add value to every other human relationship you form for the rest of your life. There’s nothing like holding up a mirror to our flaws to really teach us how to be humble. And if you’re wondering, nothing will ever compare to a twin flame, but that doesn’t mean they are destined to be your life partner through thick and thin. Leave that to your soul mate, which we will explore in the next blog in more detail.